An Open Letter to Kanye West, re: Emailing Kim Fashion Rules

Dear Kanye West,

I know that your wife, Kim Kardashian West, loves getting your styling tips, ‘K? I understand that and, although it pains me, I’m trying to respect it because she is a grown-ass woman with agency and choice. And if her choice is to enjoy bossy emails from her bossy husband outlining bossy rules of what she should and should not be wearing, that’s her prerogative. But I have to tell you, I literally would have the opposite reaction.

In the January 7 episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kim said you told her not to wear big sunnies anymore, full stop. “He sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore. It’s all about tiny little glasses,’” Kim said on-camera. “He sent me, like, millions of ’90s photos with tiny little glasses like this”—tiny little glasses *shudder*—but more on those in a sec.

And that’s of course not the first time Kim’s talked openly about your influence on her sartorial choices. You even appeared on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians in 2012 wherein you tossed most of her platform Loubs and technicolour bandage dresses and replaced them with all-neutral everything.

Now I’m not saying Kim’s oh-so-early-aughts L.A. style couldn’t have used a little shake-up. In fact, I actually forgot how much celebs used to wear those Hervé Léger mini-dress monstrosities. But, I have to admit, a little part of me misses Kim and her extra-extra style, even though she looks perfectly chic and current as one of your Yeezy runway models. I can’t help but feel that even though Kim talks about how grateful she is that you changed her style, wouldn’t it be so nice if you had accepted her how she was and let her evolve her personal aesthetic on her own? It’s a thought.

And it’s not just the notion of accepting our partners’ tastes, for better or for worse (don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my boyfriend finds some of my culottes questionable and there are certainly a couple of his sweaters I’d like to burn), but since personal style can be so inextricably connected to our sense of self, isn’t telling your S.O. you want to completely change their look akin to saying you want to change them? Jussayin’.

But aside from all of that lovey-dovey “let’s accept our partners for who they are” stuff, it’s really the language Kim’s uses when talking about your styling rules that makes me shudder. You just sound like such an arrogant know-it-all. And I don’t mesh well with know-it-alls, even the ones who do know it all (or most of it all) ’cause I’ve always felt that you can really get anything you want by being nice. And barking style commandments at your wife—EVEN IF they are good or on-trend ones—isn’t nice.

Look, she obviously thinks the world of you. Worships the Yeezy-stomped ground you walk on. Loves you unconditionally and holds your fashion sense on the highest of pedestals, even though you yourself have a colourful style history including several trends I’d like to never encounter again (see: Polo shirts with popped collars and neon-coloured shutter sunglasses). But I still think you could stand to be a bit more, “How about trying this?” and less “Do this, not that.”

Speaking of sunglasses, we need to talk about why you insist on contributing to my most loathed trend of 2017, teeny-tiny sunnies. Now, I’ve succumbed to many a Kardashian West-influenced trend mere months after proclaiming I would never. I’m talking about chokers, lucite heels, long witchy hair (only admired that trend from afar but have definitely Googled “how much do Kim K long extensions cost?” more than once), and now, even bike shorts (literally, what is even happening to me?), but it will be a cold day in hell before I spend human dollars on The Matrix-ready sunglasses even SMALLER than ones Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wesley Snipes would have happily sported to an afternoon red-carpet photo call at Planet Hollywood in the mid-’90s.

And here’s the rub: you clearly were not *wrong* about how barely-there eyewear would be the next big sunglasses trend with everyone from Bella Hadid to actual queen Rihanna wearing shades that don’t even cover their corneas, as you’ve been on the money about other trends (like sock-boots, another one I thought I hated but am now considering). Damn you and your fashion instincts!

Kanye, you’re obviously a super creative, trend-savvy, hyper-connected, fashion world-beloved dude. You clearly love your wife and want her to embrace her beauty, hone her ~ aesthetic ~ and parlay her massive style influence into more shared riches (no shade, I admire the hustle). But can you be a little less bossy?

xo,

A small sunglasses-hating, know-it-all-loathing, Kardashian-loving FLARE staffer

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